God is a hacker!!!

[Grordek]

From: rossix!window.dnet!lisa@openlink.openlink.com (Hi Keeba!)
To: @cabal@SDSC.EDU
Cc: LISA@openlink.com
Subject: theology
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 95 10:59:34 -0700

From: ROSSIX::corbettw "Corbett Williams" 19-OCT-1995 09:21:50.47
To: window::lisa
CC: window::james
Subj: Theological writings sent by a friend...

...who lives up to his name, Frank. (His last name is Whaley although
Wiley might be more apt.)


Some Important Theological Questions
are Answered if we think of God as a
Computer Programmer.


Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step
through all those variables.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

Q: Does God know everything?
A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what
goes on in the overnite job.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him
automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up.
Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and
candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his
girlfriend had left him.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in
the maintenance phase.

Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but
personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers
than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers
are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but
irrelevant.

Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to
mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.

Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a DAT tape.

Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And
searching those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is
a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been
lost.

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites
running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity,
but then the users and managers demanded he tack all this
senseless stuff onto it and now everything is more complicated
and expensive than ever.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just
get off his back and let him program.

Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just
pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone
put you down.

Q: Is God angry that we crucified him?
A: Let's just say he's not going to any more meetings if he can
help it, because that last one with the twelve managers and
the food turned out to be murder.

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a
common word, or a date like your birthday.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive email.

Q: Some people say God is Love.
A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form
of a question. Like "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

- ------- End of Forwarded Message